#26
Remaining present in your body through it all...
Hi Hotties! I have not taken the time to post any writing in a minute. The final weeks of summer moved slowly, but here we are, entering the best month for fashion. I hope you enjoy this small thought piece, and I will get back to regularly scheduled content this month (as I’m sure you all eagerly await…).
We spend our entire lives in an endless conversation with ourselves accompanied by brief intermissions of external engagement or dreamless sleep. The plotline of our stories expands as we narrate each move, often paired with our quick-witted commentary. We pull the details of our appearance and work to find a conclusion on whether we like what we see today. We are uberly quick to question whether we handled a conversation appropriately or are doing life right. Needless to say, our ability to access the curated, yet still present, lives of others immediately through our screens forces our minds into an endless comparison spiral. But she's prettier, her job is cooler, the love she receives seems to find her so effortlessly…
As I experience the chaos that is my early twenties, I rarely find myself freed from my ongoing internal narration. I deeply convince myself that I am not doing enough or my work is not as legit as others. I compare my appearance to those profoundly removed from my life and constantly wonder what it would feel like to be loved by someone like “him”. My seeming self-awareness is something I take decent pride in, so I accompany each negative spiral with shame for even beginning the analysis in the first place. Will I ever fly away from my thoughts? Will we ever be let go of the self-imposed burden that results from our media consumption?
I have spent the past few months sick and slow. Everything takes annoying amounts of energy, and when I do feel alive, my mind and body quickly break down again. Of course, I attempt to keep an optimistic approach because who hasn’t learned the “we are a product of our thoughts” bull shit. Yet, while incapable of continuing with endless energy and readiness, I sit restless with my thoughts trapping me in the cycle of comparison and shame. Is this all just a product of early life, or will we always be forced to face the reality of breaking our defeating internal dialogues?
With two years of postgraduate life behind me and time to reflect, lately, I have constantly fantasized about my Freshman year of college. Entering school with a fresh head and anxious but eager mindset, the following four years would be reliable and aggressively unpredictable. I ruminate on the worries that fazed me then and how my surroundings made me feel. For most, each factor and many characters in my life are different or evolved. Alas, I made it through to a life I would be proud of. I know that sitting here now, clicking away, I will again find myself proud when reflecting in the coming years.
I apologize for taking you along the journey of my mind, but I hope this writing allows you to reflect and realize that you have made it through. Look around you! Things have grown, fallen, ended, etc.. Yet, through it all, you still remain present in your body. Remember this every time you attempt to drag your worth down by the way you perceive externalities. I’ll leave you with this quote today that satisfied my attempt to put trust in the universe:
Love you all!! Thanks for taking the time to read, I hope this was a beneficial use of your time. <333
Pretty much me as of late:
